Sexy Serial Killer

The Self, Shrunk

               

Can I please get a tumor?

                My doctor runs his eyes through my file, pupils widening as they near the bottom of the page, then sprint back up for a double-check. He lifts his head to ask a question charged with such bewilderment he would never have heard the answer: “How do you even do anything?” My mom, standing behind me — I’m sitting, exhausted — lets out a sigh filled with horror and regret. “See?”, I think, “I knew it”.

Showers

“I could work in the shower if I had plastic paper.” – Umberto Eco

“Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss bed and that makes you feel sad” – Tumblr user just-shower-thoughts.

Rejected Reductress Pitches

“One man’s poison is another man’s cake” – Idina Menzel